you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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