Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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