I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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