I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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