Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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