You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
