i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
