are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
