May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
