meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this beer tastes like vomit already
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
