it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
