I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
