so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
