upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
