let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
