They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
