mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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