I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
