My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
