he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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