8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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