How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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