so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
