Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
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He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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