I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
