Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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