this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
