This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
