my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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