I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
