3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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