3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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