Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
