I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We got so high we made milksteak
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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