If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
