Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
