I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just want nice things and good sex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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