i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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