I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
