but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
