why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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