i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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