she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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