I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
