We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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