I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Someone came in the potted fern
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
