Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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