she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
