We're like a lot better than the average bears
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
