I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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