I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
