My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
