My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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