Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
