My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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