Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
