i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
