Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
