I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
