i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
