Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
