What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sext me about skeletons
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