This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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