Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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