I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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