this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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