you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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