if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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