3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
