meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
