if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
