They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
