I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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