i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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