Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
