He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
