He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
