I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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